Say “GO,” Practicing Choice
An Essay on MBDance’s Desire: A Sankofa Dream
By Monica L. Williams, Conceptual Artist and Chief Curator &
Director of Programs at 651 ARTS
My great-grandmother’s niece will be 104 years old this year. She dresses herself every day. One arm, one leg at a time, she lifts and pulls and gathers herself. I imagine her practicing this ritual through the good and the bad of her centurion life and even now, as she slides her hand into her sweater, this daily dressing practice is a choice.
On January 22 and 23, 2021, 651 ARTS and BAAD! co-commissioned and co-presented MBDance’s Desire: A Sankofa Dream, created and directed by Maria Bauman and choreographed for Zoom. BAAD! approached 651 ARTS to join them as a presenting partner to produce MBDance’s new work and I immediately saw this as an opportunity to join in the creative journey as an artist/ally expands their creative arsenal and illuminate new realities. Maria’s craft is rigorous and clear, rooted, and on purpose. It was an honor to say, “Yes!”
I practice my introduction speech out loud—everyone is muted and my video is off. I see squares begin to light up with Black and Brown faces on living room couches at kitchen tables —all testimony to our communal quarantine. A wide-open smile, a wave with both hands, a full body hug that is mirrored and repeated. The chat is ablaze with shout-outs of love and peace. Community is on this Zoom. The performance has begun. I turn my video on. A deep breathe grows and my shoulders drop in sighs of relief and gratitude for being seen. We anticipated a sold-out performance but this was a communion, a reunion with ourselves and with each other.
In March 2020, our ritual practice of gathering together in person stopped. I was emerging from a groundbreaking creative experience in art and social justice and was preparing to go on tour. I was preparing to travel with my parents and had just secured a hotel with a fabulous view. I was secure in my work for the next year or two. And just like that, everything stopped. Movement and breathing felt restricted. I adapt, my world became smaller. Our choices look different now; the way we communicate, dance, see shows, create art, share affection, etc. have changed. It feels like the quarantine limited my choices. After all, how can one be expansive while being still?
The experience at Desire: A Sankofa Dream gave me an invitation to practice choice. To grow this muscle; to work out the fatigue, to embrace the vulnerabilities that come with it and to gain strength. This is an essay about saying “GO” and trusting, releasing, knowing that we will be exactly where we need to be, when we’re ready to be there, to know that who we are being right now affects who we will be in the future.
The Zoom screen began to populate with movement and sound. Bodies moving in and out towards the camera’s eye, our fourth eye. Moaning, breathing, humming, singing. The poetic motion is mesmerizing, and I found myself gently swaying side to side, back and forth. I kept wondering, “Am I doing enough? Am I doing this right?” Connecting felt like a new pair of shoes that I had not broken in. I wanted to experience more but I felt myself just waiting,
watching. We were invited to move to go to another room, another world, by simply communicating our desire to go.
“You are in the Kaleidoscope,” sang a sultry, southern, Black mother.
A cast of characters gathered and I was one of them. Looking to see who would say “GO” in the chat first. Surely, moving forward is not that easy? Where is the obstacle, the boundary, the fine print? Are there no distractions, no disruptions? Okay, so I have agency but where am I going? Who is going to get me there and how? I woke up the next day still in the kaleidoscope. Time warped, eyes blurry from Zoom fatigue and yet I could not wait to reconnect. What had just happened? Was it the Black-eyed pea and cornbread lullaby? The imagined smell of incense and coconut oil? I desired to engage and to be engaged, to see and to be seen. The familiar southern twang and invitation to “GO” landed in my soul and spoke to a depth that awakened my permission to live, to choose, to adventure, to discover. I had to get back there. What if I just GO!
I am a fan of practice and understand the benefits. Choosing what is best for me can sometimes feel like a burden. As if I don’t have a choice. Desire reminds me to not chose is choice. Choosing is a practice. Practicing choosing is my right. Practicing choosing is my choice. My practice is my liberty. My practice is my art. My practice is my community. My practice is my joy. My practice is my family. Practice is a way forward. Practice is liberating. Practice is strategy. Practice is sexy. Practice is structure. Practice is sanctity. My practice gives me hope. My practice delivers me. I choose to be expansive. I choose to take up space. I choose to fill my life with pleasure daily. I choose to live.
I cried after the second performance of Desire: A Sankofa Dream. Calling out the names of my ancestors, hearing the names of others. The communal intimacy, the connected faces, the reminder that spirit transcends all rooms, including Zoom – as the ritual ended. I noticed my breath, the expansion of my center, rooted and moving, even from my seat. And I danced, I cried, I laughed out loud. This morning, while getting dressed for the day’s Zoom meetings, I imagined dressing myself at 104 years old. I wondered, what do I choose to practice today that will remain with me throughout my life’s journey?
What do you choose?